The (Sports)Writer's Life

Dolled-up women prefer to have their bottoms pinched by international cricketers and not by those who write about them.

- Shehan Karunatilaka, Chinaman

Theory of knowledge

FRENCH TEACHER*: Seven across: 'revered philosopher'.
PE TEACHER: Clarkson.

- Big School

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* Don't bother...

Base humour(?)

[source redacted]

Pro writing tip

Avoid impulse-bought biros from the Sports Direct counter. They're rubbish.

Books I've actually finished lately: 35

It took no great insight to guess that Lida did not like writers and that she had attached herself to me because I did not look like one. I shook my head and mumbled a few words to the effect that I did something in the cinema, regretting instantly that I hadn't invented a calling even more distant from literature, such as table-tennis or Egyptology.

My favourite Twitter SPAM so far (2)

Juliana Mccorison ‏ @Juliana_Mccoris

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing

True fact

The Pashtun have no word for 'PE teacher'.