My father writes...

on apposite stationery.

Retarded

For the two-handed man in your life.

[With thanks to (FM for making me hang around for ages in) Paperchase.]

Bugger£&*%(&(£"! UPDATE

And so that we're clear, this oddity is not a result of my choice choice of vocab, nor the use of non-standard lexicon, more broadly. When attempting 'stationery' this afternoon, I was indeed offered the word I was looking for, but the options scroll also included 'stationerw', 'stationerx', 'stationerz' and 'stationer9'.

This last, presumably, is a forthcoming snooze-fest by David Mitchell, set in space/old-town Kyoto.